Internal Chatter During Coaching

Agile Coaching Tips: Dealing With Chattering

In my previous post, we explored the interferences during the coaching session which can impact the way we listen to what the coachee is saying or not saying.

In this post, I would like us to explore one of my favourite agile coaching tips, internal chatter. I have been listening to J Krishnamurti’s talks and reading about him. So this post is based on my learnings from his talks and his book. These are just my thoughts and I am exploring with you so please do not agree to disagree. Let’s just explore.

Our mind is always busy, always working on what is happening outside and inside. Thinking about “What is” outwardly and inwardly and then working on “What it should be”. There is a conflict going on in our minds when we are in a coaching conversation on trying to stop the internal chatter.

Mind is always active all the time, always indulged in thoughts after thoughts, from one image to another image about the coachee or outwardly to the space of conversation. There is a movement going on from the time it enters the mind and the chit chat within the mind.

How do we have a silent mind? Silence demand total freedom of “me” which is self-centred.

As per Krishnamurti, when one is aware of without any choice, the choice-less awareness, then that very awareness and the attention ends the chattering.

So how do we become aware and have full attention to that awareness?

Krishnamurti talks about “What is thinking?” Thinking is a movement of thought. When someone asks us our name, we say it without any thought because have been given the name from birth and heard it multiple times. We have been saying it repetitively so it comes out instantly. We say it without any hesitation and there is no time interval in answering. But when someone asks us any other question which we don’t know the answer to, we go into thinking mode. We search, enquire and look out for the answer. During the interval, there is the operation of thinking. In the time interval between the question and our answer is the movement of thought.

If we don’t have the answer, we say “I don’t know”, you are not searching for anything. Then what happens to that movement of thought is that the activity comes to an end. This means the mind is not looking for the answer, not seeking, not searching anything or should we can call it not doing any internal chatter. Mind is quiet because it doesn’t know.

Memory is Knowledge, Knowledge is experience. -J Krishnamurti

If we tell our mind that “I don’t know”, that state is what we need when we are doing coaching. Our mind is full of knowledge and seeking more knowledge to do more chattering inside. When we say “I don’t know”, we tell our brain to stop thinking. We stop the movement of the thought which then helps the mind become quiet and we can fully present in the conversation.